Tag Archives: Right Wing Political Satire

The President of the United States is sure to tell Congress tonight that the “state of the union” is improving. He’s done this several times already. But here’s what he will really be saying:

Now here's what I really mean....

My fellow Americans, I believe that our nation must be one with other nations and that we have enjoyed far more success than we are rightfully entitled to. Our exceptionalism has come not as a result of hard work, sacrifice and entrepreneurial initiatives born of God-given freedom and liberty, but rather at the expense of the rest of the world, and it is high time we pay the price. My intention is to transform our nation using the European model of big government and featuring entitlement as the primary mind-set of the people. I will continue to push for “reforms” which create a larger and more vocal entitlement class who know only protest and class warfare as answers for their lot in life, and who have little or no interest in success based on diligence and effort. I will tell Americans that $48,000.00 in debt to each and every child born this day, and a “real numbers” national debt of $202 trillion is a small price to pay for our place in the world, and I will demonize Capitalism as the root of all evil and the free market enterprise as merely a tool of the rich. I will re-write history to convince the impressionable youth of our nation that we are the problem and must suffer for all of our transgressions. I will reach into the classrooms of the youngest of them and use manipulated, inconclusive and false data to make them cry about that which in many cases we are powerless to control. I will tell them there is no God and that if they believe there is, they must keep it to themselves for fear of offending. I will explain inaccurately that Columbus was a murderer and that he brought only disease to the continent, and I will teach them that Communism is just another form of government and not responsible for the deaths of tens of millions of innocent people.

And finally my fellow Americans, I will do all of this under the banner of “hope and change”. I will ostracize and vilify all who oppose me as bigots, racists, homophobes, and out of touch. I will deny the very intent of the Framers and finally wash away all remaining memories of a government “of the people, by the people, for the people…

NOTE: This is merely an attempt to invite the broader debate. But it is also a reminder that to continue down our current  path with the proverbial/ideological blinders of either side of the argument firmly affixed, is tantamount to slamming the door in our children’s faces. We need to return to searching for the things which bind us…